Remember watching X-Men 2? The fantastic action sequences. The bravado. The heartfelt storytelling. Ah, those were the days.
X-Men 1 laid the path. The sequel walked it with a strut.
Then the Last Stand arrived and did a 2 hour long shit on the path. That shit was so fiery and corrosive that it actually devoured the path. Path: obliterated.
But did Fox accept defeat? Did they recognise their deficiencies and shelve the series?
No. Not content with beating the dead horse, they made Wolverine: Origins – the biggest crime against humanity since jesus got stabbed.
This is done right? I mean, surely we can’t do more of these right?
WROOOONG. MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE.
Bouyed by the success of Batman Begins and the sequels, the fucking arseholes at Fox dipped their hand into the magic hat and pulled out X-Men First Class.
Sure, it was less shite than the two preceding films, but it was hollow and bland. They struck gold with Fassbender as Magneto and James McAvoy as Charles (although the latter does appear to be overegging it a bit at times), but the supporting cast was low-rent and low-quality.
The Wolverine was actually a semi-decent ‘what if’ type story, but the convoluted middle-section meant everyone watching switched off before the ending. The stinger in this was near-redemptive, with Logan meeting Prof. X and Magneto in the airport – it gave fans hope of a return to the halcyon days of X2. If only.
It *nearly* delivered that. Almost. But not quite. When it hit heights, it really hit them (with some great and genuinely high-stakes action sequences and emotionally meaningful moments after Logan’s friends are miraculously brought back to life due to a new-universe timeline) but the sections where the beige, uninteresting, blank-faced ‘new crew’ were involved, it felt bland and tedious.
X-Men Apocalypse is barely worth mentioning. It was a long-slog which showed hints of good ideas, but ultimately fell incredibly flat (a convincingly destitute Charles and a trouser-twitching Psylocke notwithstanding).
So here we are. A month from the release of Dark Phoenix – a nearly-cancelled effort that made it through the net of the Disney takeover. Reports of endless reshoots and delays have chipped away at the vague enthusiasm, even for die-hard fans.
My prediction? It’s gonna be a pile of horseshit. Sophie Turner is pretty great, but it’s a directorial debut for Simon Kinsburg and he’s only really been involved with exceptionally disappointing superhero films before.
While they’re giving huge spoilers by showing a mass-grave and attendants at the funeral, they might as well just scoop them all up and chuck them in the fucking ground. Waste of time. Let Feige get a hold of this mess and sort it out.
Calling a return of Wolverine in 2022 right now.
Film Kiln 